Cutting Addiction: Why Do People Cut Themselves?

creative_self_harm-1330467257m“In case you didn’t know, dead people don’t bleed. If you can bleed-see it, feel it-then you know you’re alive. It’s irrefutable, undeniable proof. Sometimes I just need a little reminder.”

Today, people stand proudly against being fat-shamed or slut-shamed, but it’s harder to find someone who will stand up and disclose their own cutting or other self-injury. Self-harm is one of the last things people feel ashamed of, despite it being far more widespread than you might suspect.

Cutting and self-harm can be a way of coping with problems. It may help you express feelings you can’t put into words, distract you from your life, or release emotional pain. Afterward, you probably feel better—at least for a little while. But then the painful feelings return, and you feel the urge to hurt yourself again. If you want to stop cutting or self-harming but don’t know how, remember this: you deserve to feel better, and you can get there without hurting yourself.

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What is Self-Harm?

Self-harm is a way of expressing and dealing with deep distress and emotional pain. It includes anything you do to intentionally injure yourself. Some of the more common ways include:

  • Cutting or severely scratching your skin
  • Burning or scalding yourself
  • Hitting yourself or banging your head
  • Punching things or throwing your body against walls and hard objects
  • Sticking objects into your skin
  • Intentionally preventing wounds from healing
  • Swallowing poisonous substances or inappropriate objects

Self-harm can also include less obvious ways of hurting yourself or putting yourself in danger, such as driving recklessly, binge drinking, taking too many drugs, and having unsafe sex.

Regardless of how you self-harm, injuring yourself is often the only way you know how to:

  • Cope with feelings like sadness, self-loathing, emptiness, guilt, and rage
  • Express feelings you can’t put into words or release the pain and tension you feel inside
  • Feel in control, relieve guilt, or punish yourself
  • Distract yourself from overwhelming emotions or difficult life circumstances
  • Make you feel alive, or simply feel something, instead of feeling numb

But it’s important to know that there is help available if you want to stop. You can learn other ways to cope with everything that’s going on inside without having to hurt yourself.

The technical term for cutting is non-suicidal self-injury, and it’s defined as the deliberate, self-inflicted destruction of body tissue. But keep in mind two important facts: first, cutters aren’t trying to kill themselves. By contrast, they often self-harm to feel alive rather than numb. Second, it’s“for purposes not socially sanctioned.” So, no matter how you feel about your daughter’s nose or belly button piercing, it doesn’t count as self-harm. But cutting, burning, carving words or symbols into one’s skin, painful hair-pulling, or literally banging one’s head against the wall certainly do count.

So what’s going on? To an outsider, self-harm may seem incomprehensible, even crazy, but if you go with the truism that each person copes as best as they can with the resources they have at the time, it might be a little easier to understand. With that, here are four reasons individuals self-injure:

Reason #1: Physical pain takes away emotional pain:- The physical pain of cutting not only diffuses negative emotion, but it also creates a sense of calm and relief. Because it works almost instantly, cutting is highly reinforcing—some even say addictive. Individuals who cut describe the sensation as an escape or a release of pressure, similar to how people suffering from bulimia describe purging.

Eventually, the brain starts to connect the relief from emotional pain with cutting. This creates a strong association, or even a craving, that can be difficult to resist. And while most people who self-injure do so for two to four years, there are many who continue on well beyond that time frame. The frequency of self-injury also varies; some do it daily, while others can go weeks, months, or even years between episodes.

Reason #2: People who cut are their own harshest critics:- A study asked college students who cut themselves, plus a control group of non-cutters, to keep a daily diary of their emotions for two weeks. The biggest difference between those who cut and those who didn’t? People who cut reported feeling dissatisfied with themselves much more often than non-cutters. This dissatisfaction manifested as harsh self-criticism. Indeed, anyone who self-injurers is really hard on themselves, and they sometimes carve their criticisms into their skin: “fat,” “stupid,” “failure.” Interestingly, a study showed that harsh self-criticism is most strongly related to self-harm, rather than other, more indirect forms of self-injury, like eating disorders, drinking or drug abuse.

Reason #3:  Cutting can be a way to stop feeling numb:- In particular, individuals with a trauma history may self-harm to take control of their own pain, and feel something other than numbness.

Reason #4: It’s an alternative outlet for emotional pain. Kids raised in a household where sadness, hurt, or disappointment gets invalidated or mocked start to believe that it’s not okay to feel bad. They turn to cut as an “acceptable” way to feel pain—if they’re not allowed to feel it emotionally, they’ll let it out physically.

In short, think of cutting and self-harm as any other unhealthy coping mechanism like getting drunk, binge eating, or getting high; it’s a way to feel something other than what you’re feeling, or it can be a way to punish yourself for not measuring up.

It goes without saying that cutting is dangerous. Even when suicide isn’t the intention, it’s all too easy to cut too deeply. In fact, individuals who cut know it’s unhealthy– they go to great lengths to hide their behavior, not to mention their scars.

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How to Prevent Self-Harm:-

In a study, researchers asked people who formerly cut themselves why they stopped. There were many answers, but there were three big ones. First, almost 40 percent said that they stopped cutting when they came to realize that they could handle feeling crappy for a while and that they would probably feel better soon. Nearly a quarter (24 percent) stopped because they felt someone loved or cared for them—they may have entered a loving relationship or their friends made them feel worthy and cared for. And a full 27 percent said they simply grew out of it.

But if those things don’t come into your life, what are some concrete methods to stop?

First, it’s important to match the solution with the reason for cutting. If cutting is a way to feel deep dark emotions, experiment with ways to feel those emotions safely: listen to music that matches how you feel, have a good cry, or write out your thoughts in a journal, even if you just write page after page of profanity in big black letters. If cutting is a way to release tension, move your body—visit a boxing gym or go for a long, pounding run.

If channeling your pain into another activity doesn’t work, simulating cutting might help. It won’t be as satisfying, but it’s safer. Squeeze ice until your hands hurt or draw on your skin with a red marker instead of cutting it.

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Finally, you can try to wait it out. It will be excruciating, especially at first, but the urge to cut will eventually pass. Promise yourself (or someone who loves you) that you’ll put at least 10 or 20 minutes, or however long you agree on, between the urge to cut and actually doing it.

Cutting can be notoriously difficult to stop on your own. If you’re struggling with self-injury, do the strong thing and reach out to a mental health professional for support, help, and accountability. No one should suffer such emotional pain they feel the need to self-injure; a good therapist can help you get back on track.

To wrap up, cutting can be a hard habit to break—that harsh inner critic is a  voice not easily silenced.  It will take time and courage, but know that that inner critic can slowly be edged out by something you didn’t even know you had: inner strength.

”The Year We Fell Apart And That’s Okay”

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“Look for something positive each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder.” 

Not because I don’t think it will be (because, okay, it will be). But because that’s not helpful to you where you’re standing right now. That’s a thing we say to each other when we can’t find any other words.

It will be fine. It will be okay. Everything will work out.

These are all real and true statements that apply to you, no matter where you stand. I have enough trust and faith for the both of us that everything you and I are walking through at this moment, we’re both going to come out the other side wiser and happier than we ever thought possible.

But the truth is, those words don’t help. Instead, they usually cut us on a level we didn’t know pleasant words of comfort had the ability to cut.

Because even if it’s true that it will be okay… it’s not okay right now, and sometimes that’s all we can see and feel and hear. Sometimes that’s all we can register inside our weary bodies.

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It’s not okay that someone you loved is no longer living and breathing and giving their gifts and presence to this world. It’s not okay that everything is falling apart around you, that your world is imploding more and more every moment of every day. It’s not okay that the bank accounts are at zero, or possibly into the negative, with no sign of relief. It’s not okay that someone was nasty or cruel to you in ways that shattered your heart. It’s not okay that you’re exhausted to the point you can’t make it through a single day without curling into a sobbing ball on your kitchen floor. It’s not okay that you’re swimming in failure or shame or a grief like you’ve never known.

Whatever it is for you… it’s not okay right now.

So we tell each other it will be okay… because we don’t know what else to say, and we don’t know how to climb into the sh*t with someone and just hold their hand while they cry or scream or rage it out.

I’m not going to tell you it’s going to be okay:-That everything is going to work out.
I’m not going to tell you it will be fine or to buck up.
That you’ve got this and you’ll see it soon.

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Instead, I’m going to tell you that I see your pain:- I understand how much it sucks right now. How your heart is heavy and your spirit is weary. How it’s taking everything you have just to get through the day. I see you. I feel you. I love you. I know… I get it, I really do. And I also know exactly how much willpower it takes to not punch someone in the face for telling you it will be okay. Especially when it feels like “being okay” is completely out of reach, no matter how hard you fight to find your footing and dig your way out of the darkness that’s nearly consuming you. I see your pain and I’m holding you in my heart with all the love I have to give. Because it’s okay that everything is not okay right now.

I’m going to tell you that you’re stronger than you know:-Because you are, my friend. You are powerful beyond measure whether you know it or not. You have a purpose and a contribution to this world that only you can make. I know it doesn’t feel like it when all you can do is find a way to get yourself out of bed each morning when the hours begin to weigh on your chest like a ton of bricks and breathing becomes more difficult the longer you’re forced to be awake and upright. But you’re doing it, love. It may not be at a rate or pace that you want, but you’re doing it. Just by getting out of bed and finding a way through the next moment that smacks you in the face. And you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.

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I’m going to tell you that trust and faith go a long way:-I’ve never tried to pretend that trust and faith are easy. They’re not. Not even a little bit. But they are all we have when nothing is okay and everything is falling apart. They are all we have to make it through to what’s next. I say this from a place of walking through some seriously dark life chapters.

Chapters filled with depression that nearly killed me by my own hand, with being so broke that I owed the bank money and was being threatened with losing my house. Chapters that ripped someone from my life in the most abrupt and tragic way, and that have torn everything known and stable and secure from my hands. Somewhere along the lines, I found trust and faith, and I’ve never let go, regardless of the chaos around me. Trust and faith. It’s all we have, and they go a very long way when everything feels impossible.

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I’m going to tell you that you’re not alone:-Even though I know it feels that way like you’re the only person in the history of the world who has experienced this much loss and pain and struggle. Even the happiest and successful people have been through some sh*t, or are probably walking through their own storms right now.

You’re not alone. You do not have to do this alone. If ever there was a thing that lifted me out of the depths of grief, it was being reminded that I wasn’t alone. That I didn’t have to do this alone. You, my friend, are not alone.

I’m going to tell you that I love you:-Because I do. Because you’re here and you’re having a bad day. Because you’re human and that makes you beautiful and messy and all things lovable.

”How I Stopped Feeling Trapped in a Life I Didn’t Want”

 

 

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“Happiness is never found in materialistic things; it exists in things that cannot be physically possessed. Therefore, happiness is priceless. It can never be purchased.”

Money can’t buy you love. It can’t buy you happiness either.

Today’s materialistic world often urges us to buy the coolest gadgets, the trendiest clothes, bigger and better things, but research shows that possessions and purchases don’t buy us happiness.

So while we are being pushed towards materialism, it’s for monetary gain by corporations, not for our own happiness. Unfortunately, it’s hard to escape the trap of materialism, and find happiness in other ways than buying stuff online or finding joy in the mall.

But it’s possible. Here’s a guide to finding a materialism-free life and discovering true happiness.

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Escaping Materialism
All around us, there are messages telling us to buy stuff. On the Internet (blogs included), we see continuous advertising trying to get us to purchase a product or service. It’s the main reason for television, and movies are continually made with products placed throughout, so that we aren’t always sure what is advertising and what was put in there by the director.

Flip on the radio or open up a newspaper or magazine, and you’re bombarded my more advertising. Go to a shopping center/mall, and the urge to buy comes from every direction.

This message to continually buy, buy, buy … and that it will somehow make us happpier … is drilled into our heads from the days of Happy Meals and cartoons until the day we die. It’s inescapable.

Well, almost. You could go and live in a cabin in the woods (and that actually sounds nice), or you could still live in our modern society, but find ways to escape materialism.

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Here are some suggestions:

  • Limit television. Do you really enjoy watching TV for hours? Think about which shows you really, really love, and only watch during that time. When the commercials come on, go do something else. Or use Tivo to watch TV. You can even give up cable TV entirely, if you’re brave — I have, and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done.
  • Eschew the news. Journalists will never tell you this, but if they’re completely honest, they’ll confess that the most important part of any news company, from TV or radio news to Internet or print new, is the advertising division. It’s the division that pays the paychecks of the rest of the company. The news is important in driving traffic to the advertising. So when you’re watching or reading news, you’re really being sucked in to advertising. Try this instead: boycott the news for a week. I’ve done it for about two years, and it hasn’t hurt me a bit. In fact, it’s helped me a lot.
  • Limit Internet reading. I’m not saying you should cancel your cable Internet subscription or anything. I love reading blogs. But find just those that you truly love reading, that give you the most value, and limit your reading to those. And just do it once a day, for 30 minutes or so. If you can do that, you’ve gone a long way towards tearing yourself away from advertising.
  • Give up magazines for books. Magazines are also designed with advertising in mind. And they rarely give you much value. Try reading an ad-free book instead. It’s a much better use of your time.
  • Don’t go to the mall or Walmart. The only purpose of these places is for you to spend money. If you just want a place to spend your Saturday afternoon, find a place where you don’t need to spend money to have fun — a park or a beach, for example. If you need to buy something, go to a single store (not the mall) and go in and get what you need. Don’t browse and walk around looking at stuff. You’ll get sucked in.
  • Monitor your urges. When you’re online, or watching TV, or at a store, keep track of the number of times you want to buy something. Keep a little notebook or index card, and just put tally marks. Once you become more aware of your urges to buy things, you can start to control them. If you could control them, limiting your consumption of media (see above tips) isn’t really necessary — although I would argue that it still gives you a better quality of life.
  • Use a 30-day list. If you still really want to buy something, put it on a list, and write down the date you added the item to the list. Now tell yourself you cannot buy that item for 30 days. It might be difficult, but you can do it. When the 30 days have passed, if you still want it, then buy it. But you can’t buy anything (besides essentials like groceries) without putting it on the list for 30 days first. Many times, our urges to buy something will pass during this waiting period.
  • Declutter. I find it pretty amazing to see all the crap I buy over a period of years, when I go through my closets and other possessions and start getting rid of stuff I don’t use or want anymore. It’s a gratifying process, and at the same time, it makes me realize how useless all our consumer shopping is. I don’t need any of the stuff! When you do this, you may be less likely to buy more stuff. Especially if you enjoy the decluttered look of your house as much as I do.
  • Find other forms of entertainment. There are other things to do besides watch TV or movies or read magazines or newspapers or the Internet. Try playing sports or exercising, or playing board games or creating art or writing or reading a book. Try doing fun things with your kids or visiting relatives and other loved ones. Try volunteering with a charity. I’m sure you could come up with 100 free or cheap things to do.
  • Buy used. When you get the urge to buy something, and you’re convinced that it’s needed, try finding it used instead of new. Look in thrift shops or garage sales or flea markets or similar places.

 

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A True Path to Happiness
So, if you’re able to escape materialism, how can you find true happiness? There are many ways, and each of us is different, but here are some things I suggest trying:

  • Grateful list. Make a list of things about which you’re grateful in your life. Give thanks for them daily.
  • Think positive. Try eliminating negative thinking from your life, and thinking positive instead.
  • Small pleasures. Make a list of small things that give you great pleasure. Sprinkle them throughout your day. Notice other small pleasures as you go through your day.
  • Kindness. Practice random acts of kindness and compassion. Do it anonymously. Help those in need. Volunteer. Make someone smile.
  • Love. Make an intimate connection with your loved ones. Develop your friendships. Spend time with them, converse, understand them, make them happy.
  • Health. Exercise and eat healthy — it sounds trite, but it can bring great happiness to your life.
  • Meaning. It’s often useful to find meaning, either through a church or spiritual way, or through those we love in life or through the things we’re passionate about. Give yourself a purpose.
  • Flow. Eliminate distractions, and really pour yourself into whatever you’re doing. If it’s writing an article, like this one, really put yourself into it, until you forget the outside world.
  • Know yourself. Become attuned to what brings you happiness. Study yourself. Learn about what you love, and about your ability to love. Increase your capacity for compassion.

”Sexuality, Spirituality and Relationships”

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”sexual energy is a powerful force, that when used consciously, can be a great catalyst for spiritual growth and healing on many levels.”

To manifest your full sexual energy you have to surrender. There’s no way around it. You must completely inhabit your body and be in the moment. If not now, when? Holding back, fixating on performance, or letting your mind drift is the end of passion. Don’t go there. I’ll show you how to get out of your head and into your bliss.

What is true sexual energy? I define it as proudly claiming your erotic self and mindfully channeling sexual energy. You never use it to hurt, manipulate, make conquests, or get addicted to the ego trip of sensual pleasure at the expense of others. This is bad karma. Nor do you allow others to harm or disrespect you. Sexual energy is not just who you are in bed, though that’s an aspect of it. You also make electric linkages to your body, to spirit, to a lover, to the universe. For me, it’s a turn-on when sexual power is blended with spiritual power.

Too many of us in this heady, frantic world lack the rich experience of having a primal connection with someone. Sexual energy can offer us this, a satisfaction you can never get from your intellect alone. As you open to both sex and spirit, whether you’re single or part of a couple, you’ll be a vessel for erotic flow, enjoying pleasure without insecurities or inhibitions.

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”Os-ho On Sex And Spirituality”

  1. A Misunderstood Guru:-

    Osho is erroneously referred to as a sex guru. However, the simple truth is that his views on sex were radically different from the view of others in a sex-starved nation, and he was misunderstood for that. In reality, he showed his followers the beautiful connect between sex and spirituality, by emphasizing how beautiful sex could become if it received the right dose of spirituality……

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  2. Peaks Of Silence:-

    “Holding the hand of your woman or man, why not sit silently? Why not close your eyes and feel? Feel the presence of the other, enter into the presence of the other, let the other’s presence enter into you; vibrate together, sway together; if suddenly a great energy possesses you, dance together – and you will reach to such peaks of joy as you have never known before. Those peaks have nothing to do with sex, in fact they have much to do with silence.”

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  3. Become Meditative In Love:-

    “And if you can also manage to become meditative in your sex life, if you can be silent while making love, in a kind of dance, you will be surprised. You have a built-in process to take you to the farthest shore.”

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4. Sex Makes You Intelligent:-

“So really, it happens that the more sexual a person is, the more inventive he can be. The more sexual a person is, the more intelligent. With less sex energy, less intelligence exists; with more sexual energy, more intelligence exists; because sex is a deep search to uncover, not only bodies, not only the opposite sex body, but everything that is hidden.”

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5.From Sex To Spirituality To Prayer:-

“When love expresses through you, it first expresses as the body. It becomes sex. If it expresses through the mind, which is higher, deeper, subtler, then it is called love. If it expresses through the spirit, it becomes prayer…”

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6.From Sex To Bliss:-

“If everything goes well and sex is natural and flowing, it is a beautiful experience, because you can have a glimpse of the second through it. If sex goes really very deep, so that you forget yourself completely in it, you can even have a glimpse of the third through it. And if sex becomes a total orgasmic experience, there are rare moments when you can even have a glimpse of the fourth, the turiya, the beyond, through it…”

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7.Hatred Happens When Sex Fails:-

“But if sex fails, then many perversions happen to the mind. These perversions are expressed in hatred. Hatred is a failure of sex, a failure of love energy. Violence, lust for money, the continuous conflicting attitudes of egos: war, politics – these are all sex perversions.”

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8.Unnatural Sex Leads To Hunger For Power:-

 

“A man whose sex is not perverted, cannot become a politician. It is impossible. All politicians as such need deep sexual therapy, otherwise their whole energy will be moving to gain more and more power. When sex is natural, you feel power, you are not seeking it. Sex is potentiality, it is power. You feel it showering on you, you don’t seek and search for it. But when you miss it, then a great urge arises to seek power: politics is born. Then wars, continuous violence, are born; hatred, anger, and a thousand and one types of perversions.”

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9.From Love To Sex, Not From Sex To Love:-

“You can love a person because the person satisfies your sex. This is not love, just a bargain. You can make sex with a person because you love; then sex follows just like a shadow, part of love. Then it is beautiful; then it is no longer of the animal world. Then something of the beyond has already entered, and if you go on loving a person deeply, by and by sex disappears. Intimacy becomes so fulfilling, then there is no need for sex; love is enough unto itself. When that moment comes, then there is the possibility of prayerfulness dawning upon you.”

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10.Love Suffices:-

“When two lovers are in such deep love that love suffices and sex has simply dropped – not that it has been dropped, not that it has been suppressed, no – it has simply disappeared from your consciousness, not leaving even a scar behind; then two lovers are in such total unity!”

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11.Sex Divides:-

“Sex divides; the very word sex comes from a root, which means division. Love unites, sex divides. Sex is the root cause of division. When you make sex to a person, woman or man, you think it unites you. For a moment, it gives you the illusion of unity and then a vast division suddenly comes in. That’s why, after every sex act, a frustration, a depression sets in. One feels that one is so far away from the beloved…”

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12.Just Love:-

“When love goes deeper and deeper, and unites more and more, there is no need for sex. Your inner energies can meet without sex, and you live in such unity.”

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13.Total Involvement;-

“That’s why orgasm is becoming more and more difficult. Ejaculation is not orgasm, to give birth to children is not orgasmic. Orgasm is the involvement of the total body: mind, body, soul, all together. You vibrate, your whole being vibrates, from the toes to the head. You are no longer in control; existence has taken possession of you and you don’t know who you are. It is like a madness, it is like a sleep, it is like meditation, it is like death.”

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14. Love Not Just Foreplay:-

“Psychologists say that love is nothing but a foreplay to sex. They are right – because they have no other specimen to study. They study you and then they come to conclude that love is nothing but a foreplay – just creating a situation in which sex can happen, nothing else. So when sex has happened, love disappears. It is just like when you feel hungry, you gravitate toward food, and look at food with enchanted eyes. But when your hunger is satiated, you look away from the food. All the enchantment is lost.”

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15. Finally, Sex Flowers Into Love:-

“When psychologists say that love is nothing but a foreplay – just a mannerism – they are right, because they do not know any other type of man…when sex becomes a meditation, it flowers into love, and this flowering is a movement towards the divine.”

”Beauty Is Always In The Eye Of The Beholder”

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”Beauty is when you can appreciate yourself. When you love yourself, that’s when you’re most beautiful.”
Zoe Kravitz
Go and tell yourself that you are beautiful. And that your life is so worth living. 
Take a fair look in the mirror. Just have a look at you for a little while. Look at you as if you
were another person. Just someone you never knew. And then go tell yourself in every honesty,
that you are lovely even when you’re blue. Just go and tell yourself that you are quite ok.
And please repeat these words in every single way.
Go and tell yourself that you are beautiful.
Every minute, every hour, and every brand-new day. Please have look at you,
you as a person are ok. With all the pros and cons you’ll see.
And if you’ll fail, just do not care, and start another day.
Just take it to step by step,
by repeating it as many times as you can say. Again, again and just again. 
So many times, each day, Until the final wake-up call
that makes you finally see, ‘I am the best one in the world. At least I am, to me’

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Why do we want to be perfect? What is it, perfection? Is it a beauty? Is it having a very balanced personality, without any negative emotion like anger or sadness? Like horrific things never will occur in one’s life? Would that be perfect?

Can we please just agree that beauty is a state of mind what has nothing in common with the outer appearance of someone or something. Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. And the physical beauty itself will fade away as life goes on. When someone gets older, the inner beauty will become more and more visible. Beauty really has nothing to do with our physical appearance, but everything about the way we live and the way we maintain our relationships with the world around us.

Beauty has nothing to do with a required reaction to something nasty in your life. Your emotions are real and you have every reason to respect them and to feel them. And you have every reason to be respected in every way.  Repeat that you are beautiful until you are feeling better.

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I just want to support all people who are struggling with their bodies, struggling with their self-acceptance and self-esteem, and who are still believing the ridiculous demands of today’s society.

Just believe that only one thing is true: you are ok! And you deserve to feel beautiful. Because you are.

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“I’m Beautiful”

You are beautiful because beauty comes from within. You’re beautiful regardless of what everyone else thinks of you because it only matters what you think of yourself. You’re beautiful because you are made out of stardust and there’s nothing more beautiful than that. You’re beautiful because everything about you is beautiful its self. Your smile lights up the world, your kind heart
makes the world a better place and your mind is limitless.

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“I’m Intelligent”

You are smart because you know what truly matters in life. You are bright because you’re hopeful. You are sharp because you know when to draw the line. You are wise because you learn from your mistakes, you are always improving yourself. You take responsibility for your own actions and you are brave enough to apologize when you are wrong. You are intelligent
because you pick your battles. You are intelligent because you treat everyone as your equal.

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 “I’m Powerful”

You are stronger than you think you are. You grew up at a young age and that made you the person you are today. You know your worth and no one can take that away from you. And you fight for what you deserve, your standards and your dreams. You are powerful because you understand that real power relies on love and kindness, not in hate and violence. You are powerful because you use your voice softly. You are powerful because you know who you are and you know what you need to do so you can get where you want. You are powerful because you are unstoppable. And you are powerful because you don’t need anyone.

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“I’m Enough”

You are enough just the way you are. You don’t need to change who you are to please others. You don’t need to speak less so someone can like you more. You don’t need to change your interests or dreams to match someone else’s. The right people in life will not try to change you. They will love you for who you are and they will accept you with your flaws, imperfections, and shortcomings. You don’t need to alter your beliefs and lifestyle so you can be someone’s right match. You need to own who you are. And you need to always choose self-improvement because although you are enough, you are work in progress.

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“I’m Loved”

Whether you believe it or not, you are loved. Your parents love you even if they are not that good at showing it. Your friends adore you although sometimes you feel like they are critical of you or hard on you. But, they are like that because of how much they love you and how much they want you to succeed. Your partner loves you even if they don’t tell you or show you enough. Your coworkers enjoy your company and think that you are invaluable. Look around, because love is all around you.

It doesn’t make sense to call ourselves ugly because we don’t really see ourselves.

We don’t watch ourselves sleeping in bed, curled up and silent with chests rising and falling with our own rhythm.

We don’t see ourselves reading a book, eyes fluttering and glowing.

You don’t see yourself looking at someone with love and care inside of your heart.

There’s no mirror in your way when you’re laughing and smiling and happiness is leaking out of you.

You would know exactly how bright and beautiful you are if you saw yourself in the moments where you are truly yourself.

”Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude”

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”Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”

Winston Churchill

Class remains by nature vague and ill-defined, one of society’s necessary mythologies. Class is defined not by a lowly start, nor money nor region, but ultimately as attitude, confidence and absorbed rather than learned values.

There is nothing more exhilarating than being around people who exude the energy of endless possibilities. These kinds of people are needed in our lives if we wish to see what is attainable. When we surround our environment with people who believe in the harshness of life we are drained of energy and vitality. Therefore, the choice is really up to us – do we want to reach the stars or do we want to stay on the ground constantly looking up secretly wishing that we were among the dazzling jewels that grace the heavens. A strong, positive and resilient attitude will help elevate you to unimaginable heights.

In life attitude is everything. Check the people around you and observe their attitude barometer – negative or positive – and if the results are negative then you may need to look at your own attitude and make certain adjustments. Usually people mirror our own unconscious feelings and attitudes about life that we perhaps are not acknowledging head on. Remember, your attitude determines your altitude. That’s why its so important to be choosy about who we do spend our time with. I believe that we do become what we think about, and who we surround ourselves with every day strongly influences what we think about or become. A positive attitude is not about displaying a phony smile, a happy face and a perky disposition. It is simply a way of responding to life in a manner that allows us to accept the duality, the contradictions, the contrasts of our experiences. A positive attitude enables you to make a difference in the world around you because when you are able to see things in a positive light, you help to influence and shape other people’s attitude as well.

What is attitude anyway? It is the mental state or position you take regarding your life and affairs. This means its not what you think but how you think it. Your attitude forms every event in your life, whether you realize it or not. Out of your attitude comes your enjoyment of life and gratitude for all your blessings. Out of your attitude also comes your disappointment and anger at how things have turned out. Out of attitude also comes the feeling that no accomplishment will be ever be good enough or that you are not good enough. Everyday, your attitude is challenged by other people and by external factors. How will you react? Will you allow adversity to stop you from moving forward? Will you allow a negative person to ruin your day, make you lose your cool, or force you to give up on your dreams? When such temptations come knocking on your door, stand at the door of your mind and declare powerfully and silently, “No one is home”. In other words, cease to engage.

At certain junctures in our lives, we will encounter challenging circumstances or people. We can either regard our dilemmas with anger, bitterness or frustration. Or we can look deep within and find the source that is beyond all circumstances and then pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and move forward knowing all things will work in our favor. If on any given day, negative drama surrounds you, hang on to your own positive attitude and don’t let other people to drag you down. Keep the words of George Washington in mind “Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for ‘tis better to be alone than be in bad company.’

” How Do You Feel About The Fact That We All Gonna Die”

”Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. ”Mahatma Gandhi
This is one of the most interesting questions that we tend not to think about very much. Yet our answer profoundly informs how we live. we have a culture of silence around dying and death. It’s a great taboo that fills most of us with anxiety about life’s end without any way to reduce that anxiety. We all know we are going to die, yet we don’t talk about it. The entire subject has become a mysterious and ominous kind of black hole in our consciousness, and we learn not to go there.

I think it would be really healthy for us to break through this taboo and normalize our conversation about death. It would free us to examine our beliefs, thoughts, and feelings about death, both individually and collectively. Perhaps it would change how we feel about war and violence. By embracing the reality of death, we might be able to perceive a greater value and a deeper meaning of life.

”We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.”

Orson Welles

When I raise this question with people, the most common answer begins with the phrase “I was raised… and I believe….” Many people have never challenged the belief system they were taught as children. Others question and affirm it, while still others find it a starting point from which their beliefs evolve as they explore the issue over the course of their lives. I fall into this latter category.

When I began to explore the reality of death more deeply, I found that I was less afraid of death itself than I was of dying. I was anxious about not knowing when and how I would die. It terrified me when I thought of it. It was as though we all walk around with a huge question mark over our heads, not knowing how much time we have left. Here today, maybe gone tomorrow. At first, I thought that God had a mean streak or a bad day when inventing death. I thought it was wrong and that we should live forever. But when I thought about that, I wondered what forever would be like — an endless story, a giant run-on sentence with no ending punctuation. Would there be no aging of the body or maturing of our minds in an endless now? Would we be stuck in a perpetual state of changeless being? The more I thought about the mixed blessings of being an infant, a child, a teen, a 20-year-old, a 40-year-old, and a person in my 60s, the more I valued the exquisite design of this progression of maturation. I wouldn’t want to live endlessly in one frozen form without the punctuation of time passing. The more I thought this way, the more normal and appropriate death seemed.

When I delved further into the question of what happens when we die, I looked first at what I had been taught as a child. Just as many children learn to be good to get great presents from Santa, I was taught to be good in the way I lived my life so that I could earn eternal life with God. I had no idea what that meant other than that I shouldn’t be “bad.” It was a great inducement for conformity to the rules. As I matured, my ideas about life, death, God and eternity evolved. I found myself to be eclectic in gathering bits and pieces of wisdom from around the world that resonated with the truth that existed inside of me. Where did that truth come from? I do not know. I just know that I have always recognized what is true for me by a process of reflection and inner resonance.

When I think about what happens to us when we die, I realize that I cannot address the matter without simultaneously looking at the purpose and meaning of life. Life and death seem to be woven together in an endless process of one birthing the other.

Based on my current understanding of things, I believe that we are all souls having human experiences for the purpose of coming to know our divine nature in human form — our oneness through and with God. As such, I believe that what we commonly refer to as death is simply the death of this body and personality, the dropping of a human form by our real self — the soul. As far as I can tell, we really do see a bright light and loved ones on the other side of this death as we journey forward in our process of awakening. I believe that we do re-embody again and again as we strengthen our awareness of our own divinity. So, while I am saddened by the loss of connection to loved ones that occurs at death, I am comforted by my belief that this is one in a series of lives.

I know that many people do not share my particular beliefs. That is fine with me. Personally, I find it quite fascinating that “the truth” resonates differently in each of us. What do you believe happens when we die?

  • We simply stop being, going out like a fire.
  • Our physical body dies, and that is all we are.
  • We are spiritual beings having human experiences, and at death, our body dies, but our spirit or soul lives on.
  • We only live this one life.
  • Our souls reincarnate, taking on different physical identities to work off karmic imbalances accrued from previous lives.
  • We go to heaven, hell or purgatory.
  • It doesn’t matter.
  • Other.

Have you explored your truth? What do you think, and how do you feel about the fact that we all die? That you will die? That everyone you know will die? Are you at peace with this reality? If not, what is your experience, and why do you think that is so? If you are at peace, what has enabled you to view death that way? What do you think happens when we die? How do your beliefs about death inform how you live your life?

”When You Feel Nothing Really Matters In Your Life What You Should Do?

There are times, we are so stressed out that we go into a self-doubting mode.
We start thinking, if everything we do, the hard work, the management, the money we spend, the sacrifices we do. Are they really worth?

These kinds of thoughts come when we start treating life as an achievement. I would like to tell you life is not a trophy you could achieve in your twenties and thirties and keep it in your house for rest of your generations to see.
Do not think does anything in life matters.
Whether it does or does not. If you do it. You gain XP levels like in a game which no one can take it from you.

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Life is a journey. It flows with time. There are good times and bad times. None of them stay forever.
Whenever such thoughts come, just give them some time. They will go. Move on. Keep working towards being a better person each day.

” Work Hard And Stay Humble”

”Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”

So, while confidence is essential, it’s important to stay humble as well (the two aren’t as contradictory as you might think). Remember the tale of the Emperor’s New Clothes: It’s okay to be wrong about something and, more importantly, it’s okay to admit that to others. This shows that you not only value your opinion and decisions, but that you also value the opinions and decisions of those around you.

People respond well to humility because it shows that you place yourself at the same level as them, and not above them. Plus, it has other benefits too. Psyblog has an eye-opening list of these benefits that can occur in your personal and professional life. Here are just a few:

  • Soothe the Soul: Humble people are better able to cope with anxiety about their mortality. Instead of erecting self-defenses against death, humble people tend to find it provides a useful perspective on life and how it should be lived. When it’s not all about you, it makes death easier to contemplate.
  • Higher Self-Control: Having high self-control is one key to a successful life. Oddly, perhaps, studies have found that an obsession with the self can paradoxically lead to lower self-control. The humble, though, because they place less importance on the self, exhibit higher self-control in many situations. Perhaps this is partly due to the fact that humble people tend to know their limits.
  • More Helpful: Humble people are, on average, more helpful than people who are conceited or egotistical. In a study by LaBouff et al. (2011), participants who were more humble, were more likely to offer help, and offered more of their time, to those in need. Unsurprisingly, humble people have also been found to be more generous.
    • Detach yourself: If you can physically move away from the situation or the place that will be the best, but you can also mentally detach yourself from what’s going on.
    • Reach out: No matter how much of a self-dependent person you are, at the end of the day you should always have a group of friends and family you can go back to with your problems. You will be surprised how therapeutic just talking it out feels.
    • Cry if you want to: Irrespective of your sex, if you want to cry, just let it out. Crying helps to release that bottled-up feeling and clears the mind as well.The full post lists even more benefits, and is worth a look.

      That last one, “More Helpful,” can be especially useful to you. To get where we want to go, we often need help—and what better way to get that help than from those we’ve helped already? In addition, studies show that being humble generally leads to better work performance. So even if you’re a little overconfident on the inside, practicing humility can actually get you ahead.

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      Kill Them With Kindness

      Everyone knows the Golden Rule, but not everyone takes it to heart. Kindness often gets overlooked as a sign of weakness, and to an extent, it can be—there is such a thing as being too nice. But a little kindness can still go a long way.

      For starters, being kind is good for you. As in, it’s actually healthy for you in the biological sense. A recent study found that there may be some connection with positive thoughts of kindness and social contact with the body’s vagus nerve:

      The vagus regulates how efficiently heart rate changes with breathing and, in general, the greater its tone, the higher the heart-rate variability and the lower the risk for cardiovascular disease and other major killers. It may also play a role in regulating glucose levels and immune responses (…) the vagus is intimately tied to how we connect with one another—it links directly to nerves that tune our ears to human speech, coordinate eye contact and regulate emotional expressions.

      Being kind can also make you happier. It feels good to be nice and help others and it can physically make you feel happier. There is a chemical reason for that:

      When a person performs an act of kindness the brain produces dopamine, associated with positive thinking. Secondly, the brain has its own natural versions of morphine and heroine: endogenous opioids, such as endorphins. It is believed that when a person does an act of kindness they feel good on a chemical level thanks to the production of these endogenous opioids.

      Not only that, but if you exhibit kindness, others will like you more (shocker!). According to giving is the secret to getting ahead. Grant credits his success to being kind and helping others when they need it. So being nice doesn’t just help others—it can help you, too.

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      Please Remain Calm

My dad said, ‘Stay humble, and you gotta work harder than everybody else.’ My mom said, ‘Always be yourself.’ She always told me only God can judge me. Nate Robinson

    • Remaining calm in tough situations is a bigger challenge, but equally as important. Stress, deadlines, and surprises can get to us mentally and emotionally. Even the strongest of people can succumb to the almighty power of unpredictability. Figuring out how to stay calm will, for obvious reasons, make your life a lot more enjoyable.

      Stress is a killer, we know this. It’s been linked to heart problems, depression, and even PTSD. So how do we manage it? Pick the Brain has some great tips that can make the toughest situations far more manageable. For example:

  • Staying calm will make you more likeable and make others think that you are more in control than you actually are. You can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you handle situations in a way that will have people gravitate toward you.

    It might seem obvious that humility, kindness, and calmness are positive traits. But in case you ever needed more of a reason to exhibit these things, they don’t just help others—they help you and make your life easier.

    So extend your hand in kindness and offer help to those who need it. They just might extend their hand back to help you get where you want to go. Admit you’re wrong when you are and find a way to believe that other people might be better than you at something. They just might offer you advice or teach you how to get better at a particular skill. And, no matter what happens, always try and remain calm and keep from going off the deep end. Everyone you’ve ever met is trying to do the exact same thing you are. Life is a lot easier when you accept that you aren’t the only one living it.

”Conscious Living To Make Conscious Choices”

It is pretty shocking that most of us miss about half of our lives. That’s right. If you are 42 years old, for instance, chances are you have missed about 21 years of your life already. Your body has been alive but your mind has been disconnected. Your mind has been thinking about the past (e.g., what you did wrong, what he did wrong, things you are sorry for, things you are mad about) or your mind has been thinking about the future (worrying about what might happen, planning all of the things that you may or may not do, making your grocery list). What’s more, when you aren’t living in the present you are more likely to be anxious and depressed.

If that wasn’t enough, when you aren’t engaged in the present you tend to miss a lot of things. You might not even notice what are you putting into your mouth, how full are you getting, how much money are you spending, where you are going, or what are you saying that you might have to apologize for later. One of the most profound statements I’ve ever heard was from a woman in my mindful eating class who came in and said “I don’t like anything I eat, I just hadn’t noticed before.

Our ability to be fully present in this moment without judgment and with kindness and compassion is a prerequisite for behaving in ways that will bring us peace and happiness and help us change behaviors that we want to change. Mindfulness helps us understand ourselves, others, and the world around us so that we aren’t caught up in habitual, mindless behaviors.

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As you practice mindfulness over time, there is an increased sensitivity to the world around. You see your part in the whole of everyone else who is trying to be happy and content. You sense the impact you have on the world around you in more and more subtle ways. This consciousness can be a little disturbing at times because there is a weight of responsibility that can feel a little heavy. But don’t fall into the trap of feeling like you need to save the world, become overwhelmed and then do nothing.

Instead, here are some somewhat random tips for becoming a more mindful, conscious human being. This is definitely not an all-inclusive list. But, these are things I’m working on so I thought you might want to try them too. Use them for a week and see if you don’t feel a little more compassionate and connected to yourself and others.

  1. Spend 10-20 minutes a day meditating. There are tons of meditation apps like Insight Timer that can help you get started. This will help you be present for the rest of the day.
  2. Know what you’re putting in your mouth. Ask yourself the questions: What am I eating? Where did it come from? Why am I eating it? Is this food that my body wants and needs?
  3. Drive slower. Not only will you feel more relaxed when you drive slower, but you will get less impatient with others. In addition, think of the gas you’ll save. Notice your surroundings and enjoy the view.
  4. Listen better. How much of the time do you truly listen to another person without thinking about what you’re going to say or asking questions? Just listen until you know the other person has finished talking.
  5. Speak with words that are kind and true. Even in the difficult conversations, you can choose to be kind and say what is “true” from your experience without blaming and condemning another. Mindful communication is difficult. This is a good place to start.
  6. Watch what you’re spending. It is so easy to get caught up in the consumer culture. The next time you are ready to pull out the credit card, stop and ask yourself if this is something you really want and need. You can even wait a couple of days to see if you still want the item.

Living consciously takes constant attention and mindfulness will help you make more conscious choices. Instead of living on automatic, try paying attention with kindness and compassion to the daily choices you make in what you do, say, and hear. It’s not easy to break out of routines and habits, but it is worth the effort.